Alan Gandy

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Seeing some stupid holidaymaker complaints via a link on Facebook this morning reminded me of this viral email that’s been doing the rounds for some years. It has to be one of my all time favourites…

These questions were (allegedly) posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Debatable whether they are actually true, but they are without doubt funny!

Having said that, I suppose when you hear some of the nonsense some tourists come out with here they may well be true….

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

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“Anyone watching thinking we know fuck all about knowing fuck all about how, needs to watch their backs.
So you’ve had your Labour reclassifying scum sending prices sky high… literally… LITERALLY… taking the grass from its own roots.
Now you’ve got your Con-Dem-Nation. Liberals noshing Tories like Altar Boys picking dints up.
Have we had a national fuckin’ stroke or what? Is revolution a word? Or was it never?
Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than ever with irony in Chatsworth.
Well for fuck’s sake – we live in Manchester! And they charge us for water.
I wandered lonely as a cloud… necking mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land and ancients are yak yak yak yak yak yak…
It’s not their’s anymore!
This is our England now!
PARTYYY!!!”

Frank Gallagher 2011 (a true poet!)

Living on a small island as we do we find there isn’t that much choice when it comes to buying stuff needed for the dogs. There’s not a lot of choice, and pet products are damned expensive!

We’re planning time away soon and want to take the dogs with us. I’ve been looking around for a proper dog guard as I really don’t want to risk the fines! So many of us ex-pats gravitate to the likes of ebay and Amazon back in the UK when we can’t find what we are looking for. But, as I’m always spouting on about using local businesses I thought I’d have a look at what online pet stores there might be in the country. Seems logical – and it would be inevitably cheaper on postage as well as being more convenient that buying from the UK. I glad I did – as I found TiendAnimal.es. Good prices, great selection and they deliver to the island – they also refund the appropriate taxes automatically, something few UK site seem capable of. Read the rest of this entry »

There really aren’t the words to deal with the reality of what happened 10 years ago.

Suffice it is to say that today we should all remember those who were murdered on that day, and those that have died because of it since.

I will always have the utmost respect for the brave men and women of the New York Fire Department, those people showed us all what it is to be human. Their dignity, and their courage will always remain an example to us all. What a terrible shame on the US it is that the politicians saw fit not to invite them – all of them – to the opening ceremony of the memorial.

This is just as apt for the members of the New York Fire Department and the NYPD who gave their lives to protect the public as it is the the fallen soldiers of our two great nations who have given their lives before and since 911.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

I salute you all!

It’s no secret that I’m not a big fan of the security staff at Thorpe Park…

Click here for another example of what a bunch of morons they are!

A must have accessory for every free Libyan racing down the road to Bani Walid in a Toyota Hi-Lux with a heavy machine gun mounted on the back!

Go get him boys!

Nice to see the back of the murdering bastard after 42 years. Whilst you’re at it can you please do us Brits a favour and save a couple of bullets for al-Megrahi if you find him please?

I hope the future has great things in store for a free Libya and its people!

(Click here to buy!)

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away – I used to be a photographer.

I was not, am not, and have no aspirations to be a commercial photographer. I studied what was essentially a ‘fine art’ (I’m not a lover of the phrase so won’t bore you with any post-modernist critique) photography degree. It was the best on offer in the country at the time (and probably still is), and I continued to do it for a few years afterwards. However, when your passion is something that’s very difficult to turn into cold hard cash (I didn’t fancy teaching at the time which is what of my peers gravitated towards) – it doesn’t take long before work, your social life, and sooner, or later kids come along.

I never left it completely, I just never did it (by my own definition) ‘seriously’ since just after my mid 20`s. I’ve always loved the medium, I always look at the photography I see with a critical eye, and I’ve kept my hand in, and periodically re-kindled my interest, through some occasional teaching (until I left the UK). I’ve just not DONE it. Read the rest of this entry »

As a web designer it’s won’t come as any shock that every now and then I have a mooch about other web designers sites to see what’s going on and being said.

Lets be honest most web design businesses sites follow a similar pattern – services, portfolio and of course the about page where they’ll describe there expertise. I’ll always have a look at that one – one I found today was particularly amusing…

I’ve been designing websites since the late 80′s

I was suitably impressed – this person must be a fcuking genius!

Given that the web was barely an apple in the eye of Tim Berners-Lee, and the first browser (Mosaic) was released in 1993 that’s one hell of an achievement!

Moral of the story: If you are going to lie, at least take the time to research your facts on Wikipedia before approaching the keyboard!

In case anyone who knows me is wondering – I built my first site in 1996.

I dropped an email to a business recently having noticed the Union Flag flying upside down. No need to mention where – suffice to say it was a hotel in Playa Blanca I drive past almost every day – it could have been like that for months!

They have put it right since the email…. (if you are the hotel in question – a quick thank you would have been nice!)

It´s got me to wondering how many others around the island might be upside down, and now I can’t stop looking at any I pass!

It also got me thinking about how may Brits don’t actually know the correct way.

Did you know?