Alan Gandy

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered”.

And Americans wonder why we sometimes make fun of their knowledge of Geography.

As if  Miss Teen South Carolina (Caitlin Upton) wasn’t enough evidence…

Take a close look at this from a US news programme…

I wrote recently after acquiring our new dog – Pepper – about how we were employing the Cesar Millan training methods for the two books we had bought – How to Raise the Perfect Dog and Cesar’s Way.

Here’s a bit of an update…On the whole, with the odd glitch as you can see – it’s working out pretty well. Both of the boys are way better on the lead, and generally behave pretty well together. They do occasionally have issues with each other and get a bit boisterous – but we expected that with them both being dogs.

I’ve read one of the books – must get around to the other – and pretty much watched most of everything he’s done for TV. It works – it really does. Though I do wonder sometimes that he seems to have something very special about him, almost a ‘Doctor Doolittle quality’, that we mere mortals can never hope to emulate. The man has a gift!

…or is everyone else tired of all the ‘get rich quick’ nonsense scattered about the Internet nowadays?

I guess with to much time on my hands the other day (it was my birthday coming the next, so I was winding down a bit) I decided to have a little play and threw together this one page website.

When you spend as much time as I do working on and trawling around the Internet you can’t help but stumble on sites – no matter how much you try to avoid them – all promising to make you rich with absolutely no effort whatsoever on your part. This could be described as my reaction.

Click here to see the site (but not if you might be offended by bad language).

Okay, the heading is a bit harsh I know. But, it’s no secret that I have a bit of an issue with the professional standards and methods employed by Thorpe Park Security (click to read the original post) after my visit last summer. But, I had to laugh this morning when I stumbled on an article from the Surrey Herald about one of their security staff who has changed his name by deed poll to ‘Animal’.

Yes, it’s true – in fact he has gone a step further and changed original name of ‘Stephen Edmunds’ to ‘Animal Stephen Leonidas Floyd Mayweather McManus Edmunds’.

So good to see they are maintaining such a high standard of recruitment since my visit. It must be really hard for them finding security staff with this level of intelligence. I wonder if he has his new name stitched into his imitation Police style Thorpe Park Security uniform?

What a fantastic website!

I’ve got no work done this morning laughing my way through this – it’s a must see website for anyone in the UK. The reviews of various towns around the country are fantastic, highly amusing – and judging from the places I read that I know, filled with more than a smattering of accuracy.

And it’s not only the articles that are funny – perhaps even more amusing are the comments from people defending their little corner of the green and promised land!

I rarely put comments on sites but couldn’t resist having another dig at Thorpe Park Security, where the page described Chertsey as being “One third pikey scum another is full of chavs and chavettes and the remaining minority are pretty decent folk. I guess if that’s the pool Thorpe Park recruitment people have to choose from – it explains a lot!

Hat’s off to whoever did it – fantastic idea and a great read!

If you’ve got half an hour or more to kill Chavtowns is a must read!

A review of the bible on Amazon! Classic stuff…

Predictable plot, but surprise ending, November 18, 2007

This seems to be one of those books people seem to either love or hate. But first with the good points. Impatient readers will be happy to see that the plot gets off with a bang: within the first few pages the apple has been eaten and evil is let into the world. We watch as the two main characters Adam and Eve have children and struggle with domestic violence, commencing in the murder of their son Abel by their other son Cain. However, God, a character with the power of omniscience, quickly discerns the culprit, ruining what could have been a great detective story. The first portion of the book, called the Old Testament, relies heavily on constantly shifting alliances between God and the human characters and intense action sequences to hold the reader’s attention. We see two cities get wiped off the map and even a global flood, as well as some epic but quickly glossed over battle sequences. Read the rest of this entry »

In response to my latest comment on this blog (and others)… Here’s the t-shirt that makes up my very own autumn collection!

It reads…

If you feel the need to call me a
“a fu**ing up your arse tosser”
please have the balls to say it to
my face instead of hiding behind
fake identities on the Internet…

This fine, top quality product is available for purchase from Red Bubble!