Alan Gandy

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

It’s no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of Twitter, but of late I’ve conceded and started using it – largely because I can feed it elsewhere and it doesn’t require much attention – and it’s another means of getting the message out when I do my next charity walk in the spring.

However I am, and always have been, a massive fan of Dragon’s Den (followed it since the first series and would list it amongst my favourite shows) and despite my own policy of not following ‘celebs’ decided to have a look at what they are up to. Let’s be honest about Twitter – for most of us ‘mere mortals’, I stand by my previous statements, it’s pretty pointless for anything other than observing. For celebrities and news organisations who naturally draw followers it’s a great way to get their message out – and only the real weirdos and Twitter Geeks expect any kind of interaction.

To be fair the Dragons have entertained me, have some interesting things to say – and all have very noticeable styles. Here’s my take on that: Read the rest of this entry »

Seeing some stupid holidaymaker complaints via a link on Facebook this morning reminded me of this viral email that’s been doing the rounds for some years. It has to be one of my all time favourites…

These questions were (allegedly) posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Debatable whether they are actually true, but they are without doubt funny!

Having said that, I suppose when you hear some of the nonsense some tourists come out with here they may well be true….

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

_____________________________ _____________________ Read the rest of this entry »

A must have accessory for every free Libyan racing down the road to Bani Walid in a Toyota Hi-Lux with a heavy machine gun mounted on the back!

Go get him boys!

Nice to see the back of the murdering bastard after 42 years. Whilst you’re at it can you please do us Brits a favour and save a couple of bullets for al-Megrahi if you find him please?

I hope the future has great things in store for a free Libya and its people!

(Click here to buy!)

 

You’re with me when I sleep, you’re with me when I wake;
You’re with me in the daytime, and with me in the dark;
With me in the fields and with me in the park.

Not a care for what I say, and not a care for what I do;
You’d be still beside me, if I was a total twat.

Why the fcuk – would anyone want a bloody cat!

“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered”.

And Americans wonder why we sometimes make fun of their knowledge of Geography.

As if  Miss Teen South Carolina (Caitlin Upton) wasn’t enough evidence…

Take a close look at this from a US news programme…

I wrote recently after acquiring our new dog – Pepper – about how we were employing the Cesar Millan training methods for the two books we had bought – How to Raise the Perfect Dog and Cesar’s Way.

Here’s a bit of an update…On the whole, with the odd glitch as you can see – it’s working out pretty well. Both of the boys are way better on the lead, and generally behave pretty well together. They do occasionally have issues with each other and get a bit boisterous – but we expected that with them both being dogs.

I’ve read one of the books – must get around to the other – and pretty much watched most of everything he’s done for TV. It works – it really does. Though I do wonder sometimes that he seems to have something very special about him, almost a ‘Doctor Doolittle quality’, that we mere mortals can never hope to emulate. The man has a gift!

…or is everyone else tired of all the ‘get rich quick’ nonsense scattered about the Internet nowadays?

I guess with to much time on my hands the other day (it was my birthday coming the next, so I was winding down a bit) I decided to have a little play and threw together this one page website.

When you spend as much time as I do working on and trawling around the Internet you can’t help but stumble on sites – no matter how much you try to avoid them – all promising to make you rich with absolutely no effort whatsoever on your part. This could be described as my reaction.

Click here to see the site (but not if you might be offended by bad language).