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I hate cats!

I’ve never been a fan of cats, as anyone who knows me will tell you. In fact – I hate the damned things… Selfish, useless little creatures that serve no purpose other than to spread germs – and irritate me!

I used to be allergic to then when I was younger – I’m not now – but I still tell people I am so they’ll keep their precious little fluffy things away from me if I go to a cat owners house. Come to think of it, I may actually still be allergic. But, its been so long since I let one get near enough me to know whether I am or not.

How may cat owners do you know who protest the intelligence, and affection of their pets. In reality, they function on pure instinct, think their owners exist to provide for them – and serve no useful place in any society except their own. Okay, I can’t object to a cat owner who keeps their animal at home and looks after it responsibly – but don’t get me onto cats in those circumstances that are allowed to wander over food preparation surfaces.

But how many cat owners are responsible? How many let their pets wander into other people space to make their mess, or wander the streets to breed indiscriminately? Do I feel bad if I run one over in my car? No! I blame the owner.

In my home town there a so many feral cats that there’s a reasonable good argument for a cull. So much so I’m thinking of taking up as my mission to undertake the task single handedly… Despite the well meaning efforts of a local charity attempting to neuter them all – irresponsible cat owners still insist it would be ‘cute’ to let their little kitty have a litter of kittens. They don’t give even the slightest bit of thought to the massive over-population of the creatures, or the welfare of the resulting felines. And, of course the process simply repeats, and repeats and repeats… Cull them – that’s what I say.

A word of warning to single guys reading this – single women with one cat, be cautious but give them a chance there’s a 50/50 chance they are normal. Single women with two or more cats – run a mile there’s a 99% chance they are a needy sociopath.

9 Responses to I hate cats!

  • A friend says:

    My friend,

    I applaud these words of wisdom. It’s 5 o’clock at night and I can’t sleep because some dumbass’ stray cat is meowing out on the street. I’m personally fed up with this. They’re everywhere, my sister won’t come over anymore because there are cats always popping up in my garden and she’s allergic and quite honestly I couldn’t be more eager to be in a cat-free zone. I’m afraid I’m not as brave as you, though. Can you tell me of some tricks to repell cats (or even neutralize them permanently)? I’m a chemist so I can even get access to some compounds that may be useful.

  • Alan says:

    Perhaps you could try a rifle! 🙂 (my preferred method)

    Or an even better 24/7 solution is to get a dog… We have two and never get cats in our garden. This option is, I suspect, considerably more legal than shooting them… 🙂

    Being a chemist I’m sure you could put together some kind of chemical solution, permanent or deterrent. There’s seem to be lots of chemical deterrents for sale (rat poison would work to!:)), with your expertise I’m sure you could nail down what the main ingredients are.

    …or for a more natural solution, here’s a couple of things I’ve read about that may or may not work…

    Ammonia – though you probably wouldn’t want the smell in the garden!

    Lion crap – yes, really!

    Citrus fruit peel

    This plant – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plectranthus_caninus

    …and there are quite a few ultrasonic devices that claim to deter cats….

    Let me know how you get on!

    (If anyone reading this page has any others do please put them in a comment. :))

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=157392594271794

  • Fred says:

    Dear friend,

    Next time you sneeze I am gonna put you out, you germ spreading biatch! And I am gonna use a cat launching assault weapon, so your balls are gonna be the first thing going in the kitty crunch, and I will leave you there, moaning hoping your last breath comes soon.
    I really do not care for you to publish this, I am happy you read it.
    So, f**k you!!

  • Alan says:

    (only editing on my part is the profanity) 🙂

    Hmmmn – I’m not sure who’s side this deluded individual is on? Guessing he doesn’t like that I don’t like cats…. Yet his notion of ‘punishment’ involves launching them at me.

    Got to wonder sometimes what goes on in the heads of some people! 🙂

  • I hate cats says:

    It’s very difficult to cull the cat population when there are a lot of strays, and I doubt one man can handle it. In Canada, they don’t have that problem because everyone spays/neuters them as soon as they get them, and it isn’t as socially acceptable to feed animals as in other parts of the world. I think the solution would be to educate kids early on about spaying/neutering their pets, so that they grow up into adults who don’t contribute to the problem (and then culling strays will be more effective long term).

  • Alan says:

    James – you’re absolutely right, it is an education problem – and the problem is caused by humans.

    Get me the right weaponry though and I’d sure give a ‘one man cull’ a good go… 🙂

  • Hi Alan,
    Cats possess many perceived feminine qualities and have noticed this rankles quite a few men.
    What an interesting word “Hate’ is and what it has contributed to this world.
    cheers
    Allan and Dawn

  • Alan says:

    Hate like many other words in the English language has many layers of meaning – from humour through to downright evil. I think in this context it sits somewhere between humour and mid-range.

    As for the feminine qualities being an explanation for my distaste for domestic cats, I don’t think that’s the case. My wife has many feminine qualities, she doesn’t have the same effect on me (I actually quite like her sometimes)! 😀

  • Anna says:

    I respect your opinion on cats since I don’t care much for them either but not all cat owners are nutcases. I’ve met plenty of owners who are responsible enough to keep their cats inside and many perfectly normal people who just happened to own a few cats.